Empowered For Life

It's monday morning. You're bright eyed and bushy tailed. (Oh, no, that's the squirrel outside my window.) You're barely mobile, slowing shuffling every square inch of the sole of your shoes evenly on the ground...(extreme cooperation with gravity.) Monday...Monday....(think Mamas and Papas)..catchy tune, or Munday, Munday...( still 1/2 in Sunday, if you know what I mean). What's a person to do? 

Wherever you are, take note. Are you sporting a fixed mindset, or a growth mindset? Are things already predetermined, or are you willing to look at them in a fresh way, to grow and learn from whatever is coming up? This is a key component of living up to your potential. In her research, Carol Dwecke examines the fixed mindset and the growth mindsets, and looks at how they create different paradigms for creating success.

The fixed mindset is focused on proving the self. Situations are judged, will I succeed or fail? Efforts on focused on succeeding (and also avoiding failure.) The growth mindset shifts the idea of failures to learning opportunities. The basic belief is that through application and experience, you can cultivate qualities. 

It may sound simple and obvious to you, common sense so to speak. But when examined in everyday life, how many things are we held back from by our predetermined beliefs?  So as you go into this monday morning are you willing to experiment with the belief that your true potential is unknown, and a willingness to explore it? Pay attention today to how many judgments come up for you, about both yourself and others? Observe this week, and you may unexpectedly find some learning opportunities just waiting for you. 

Houdini lives in my house. More precisely, it might be an entire tribe of Houdinis. This creature (these creatures) has shown more brain and brawn than I have given them credit for in the past. And they have helped me cultivate persistence, a trait I have focused on developing. This isn’t the application I intended it to be applied to. Such is life.

Houdini is a mouse. Aptly named, by me of course, for its remarkable ability to elude capture in most types of live mousetraps. I had a tried and true brand I’d used for years. Last time it didn’t work, Houdini escaped by pushing out the cap in the back, and then took the cap with it so it couldn’t be used again. I resorted to another type of trap I had on hand. I know it would not be possible to escape this contraption. Unfortunately, so have all the mice in the history of my house. It looks like Alcatraz, without the good views. No mouse has ever entered it. Four years old, I finally tossed it out last week.

I found a new type of trap at the hardware store. Cute as a mouse, so to speak. The mice entered and left the trap several times leaving it shut to look like it had a captive. Alas, the mouse gets the cheese, but I didn’t get the mouse.

Finally, I’m back to the original trap. I’ve been feeding my mouse (mice) good cheese; in chunks that get them to the place the trap usually securely captures them. I’ve been able to relocate six back to nature, with only a few obvious escapes. I know I may be eluding myself, that I may be recycling the same family and feeding them well along the way. But today I feel good about following my values of live and let live, and I’m learning about persistence from an unlikely source. With the approach to the Houdini’s seemingly under control, I’ll work on persistence in the intended arena….back to my writing. Like Houdini, I've consistently eluded putting words on paper. Now, it's time to capture them.

A pause is time well spent. A breath brings you into the moment, a few more to step back and reflect on what has been and where you’re going. We’d like to think the path is well defined. When you look back at the past, it’s a time to acknowledge where you’ve been, what you’ve learned and appreciate what will never be again. As you look forward, no matter how well chartered, you know there will be surprises and unknowns. Still, you prepare for where you’d like to go and step into the actions that will move you forward, on a path that will only be traveled once by the unique you that you are.

As you pause, I suggest the following; look behind with an eye for what you did well, and for what you learned. Look forward with eyes wide open, and a sillliness (I meant willingness, but think I’ll leave it as is) to embrace whatever comes along. Find the smile on your face as you look at right where you are. Take a minute to connect with the inner joy your life is bringing you. Ah, the presents of presence! Now you’re in a good position to take the next step, (maybe a slightly different one than you would have otherwise) consciously appreciating todays gifts, with a eye to the future.

This was the title of the post I wrote for last weeks Monday Morning Minute. When I came to look at my drafts this week, I realized that was as far as it had gotten. All I could do was laugh. I should have sent it out as it was. It was my intention to do so, but life had other plans. Isn't that how it really works?  (Yes, the technical switch has had it's glitches....yes, I am willing participant in it all.)

So this is the only message for today, but it is an important one. One of the key characteristic of resilience is the ability to find humor in whatever is going on. That is also the gift of deep sadness. It offers the opportunity to find the humor. 

Enjoy today, and exercise your humor muscle. ( If you have 7 minutes to spare, here's some help... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVoVmDHXjI4&feature=related  .) That's my intention!

You’re familiar with the new behaviors you want to develop. Then the gremlin shows up. “You can go to the later class at the Y, when you’re a bit more awake.” “It would be more productive to do your writing first, then maybe you’ll feel like it.” “How about walking the dog first?” They are all things you know you should do. But how much time are you spending going through that list simply because you’re not wanting to focus on what needs to be done? How much time and energy is going into that vortex of choices?

Underlying the distractive voice there might be belief that is holding you back.  It could be a remnant pattern from the past. You might simply not enjoy what lies ahead of you. It doesn’t really matter. To start developing the new behaviors….do it anyway. 

Motivation, while it can be inspiring, doesn’t have to be involved in creating change. Actions are. When I chose to expand my work, and my reach, I did so from a place of curiosity, without attachment to the outcome. It’s an interesting place to be.  Research has validated my experience. Motivation is not necessary to create change.

Developing new skills to support creating the changes I wanted to make actually became a joy. When I realized I was doing and accomplishing what I set out to do I learned to enjoy it. At first I simply accepted what I felt needed to be done. I set about developing the new skills without expectation.  As my skills grew, I enjoyed the process of growing, even the growing pains. I have developed a great enthusiasm for a few of them. I know at some point in the future that will change. And it will be okay. Now I look at everything I am doing with the view of “how am I being in it”. Am I accepting, enjoying, or enthusiastic about it? If not, it’s time to explore a little more, and create a shift.   

How are you experiencing what you’re doing? How are you showing up? Just pay attention, without judgment, this week and see what you can learn!

Now its time to walk the dog.

The last few weeks have tested me yet again.  After my desktop computer crashed, and my laptop acted up, my backup system decided to play a cat and mouse game with me.  Hmmm. Yes, all three systems were over five years old, two of them hand me downs. (Actually one was a hand me up from my daughter.)

The internal dialogue began.  The struggle between time, energy and money and how to use each in alignment with where I want to go.  Yes, I knew the time to replace the equipment was coming, but the timing was off (clearly only in my mind).  What were the options (which I won't detail here...but I came up with about ten...my gift of being able to create strategies can also be a curse)? All required homework to learn more. Three times I thought I had made a decision, and new information at the point of commitment had me reconsidering. Beginning to walk out of the store, I realized I didn't want to ponder any more.  I decided to make a decision using a strategy I often recommend, i.e. make decisions from the place you want to be. And as soon as I did, I could feel the flow begin again.  The resistance removed, my energy freed up, time began moving again, and I felt the satisfaction of making a valuable investment in my future.

Technology is an area I have resisted growing. Not anymore, It's not that I enjoy it, or am enthusiastic about it, but I now come at it with acceptance.  I look at how it is helping me on my path as a speaker, a writer, and a coach with appreciation of how it supports my work in the world. I have people on my team who help grow my skills and who I can go to for support. (Of course the universe supported me by having a peer in my mastermind group show up who is a few steps ahead of me. Not only is this accelerating my learning curve, but it helps me to remember I'm not alone in this!) I'm rewarding myself for small wins in learning new skills, and I've created an environment that supports that growth.

In retrospect, I've implemented the six influences that support creating change.  Beyond that,  I made a valuable decision by tapping into my inner resources and paying attention to my sensory responses to each choice, to make the decision that opened up the flow again. The final choice was based on making the decision from where I want to be. And when I resisted what was, and instead only cursed the machinery for ignoring my plan, I got nowhere. When I shifted from a place of "I should have known better", "I don't have the time or money for this" and into a place of what's the loving choice for moving forward, that created the space to explore options, and ultimately make a productive decision.

Now I'm writing this note to you on my new ipad2 from 35000 feet above the earth!

Have you been playing with the six influences I wrote about last month? Are you making decisions from where you want to be? Are you creating the space to make conscious choices? I'd love to hear from you.

Todays Monday Morning Minute is dedicated to remembering. Beyond the shopping, the family get to-gethers, the fireworks, the trip to the beach, the Bolder Boulder, the weekend events, is the history of remembering those who have gone before us. Memorial day originated as the result of african americans honoring Union soldiers in the Civil War. Extended to include all service people, today it is a time of remember not only those who gave their lives in war, but all those who came before us.

This is a good day to appreciate those that have gone before you, that are no longer physically here, but still affect our lives in who we have become. For each person, it may be people you knew, it may be people you know through the stories your friends, family and colleagues share, or maybe even the unknown soldier. Consider what your own personal ritual might be for honoring them.

And remember, at some point, what you do today, will affect another. However you experience today, I hope you are enjoying it, sharing from a place of love, and creating new memories. The connections continue long beyond our time here.

 As a quick review, lets just look at some of the questions you might consider as you look at the six influences that would support the changes you want to create. Maybe it’s around the way you want to be in the world,  something you want to do, or something you want to have. It could be around your career, your finances, your relationship, your health and fitness.

What is the motivation for what you want to change?

What new skills do you need to develop?

Are the people in your life today on board to support this shift?

What new networks can you develop to support you?

How will you celebrate and reward your new behaviors?

How will you structure your routines, and environments to support your shift?

These are all excellent areas that you can directly effect that will influence your ability to create what you want. I’m sure you can find ways you can implement something even today, start small and start now.

How do you experience change? Are you good with the flow, between creating change, and  responding to change. Inevitably there will be the unexpected, the challenges, and obstacles. They present themselves whether we like it or not. How we respond to what is showing up is part of the journey. To me, it is the most interesting and powerful part. Are you able to address whatever shows up without tension? Are you able to adjust the strings of your life so that they're not so tight as to break, and not so loose, that you can't create the sound you want to?  

The final two sources of influence involve external rewards and celebrations, and ways to support and control your environment.

What are the small rewards and celebrations that will keep you motivated? When you reward the behavioral changes, the long term results will show up. For example, let’s say you’re working towards improving your health. The behaviors you’ll want to reward may include eating less and eating better; a mix of exercise including strength, stretching and cardio exercise. If you can celebrate progress with small rewards, you’ll reinforce the good behaviors. Can you think of some you might use to your benefit? What are some personal or social rewards you could put in place? Think small, think now.

The final source of influence relates to your environment. What are you doing to reinforce and support the behaviors that will bring you what you want? Are you able to keep things close and convenient that support you? Are you distancing yourself from those things that tempt you? You can put up cues that help you stay on track. Are you using tools to help you track and stay aware of what you’re doing? Are you structuring good choices as a default in your life?

Retooling your space, creating systems, and using tools and routines to help you stay on track, are all useful. Examples for weight loss might be removing unhealthy food choices from your environment. Or using tools to track your food intake and exercise. Do you have a regular fitness routine? If you’re working on your financial health, maybe you want to save more and spend less. Setting up automatic deposits and paying your savings account first is a common first step for supporting that behavior.  Are you tracking everything? Are you completing a weekly financial check-in?  Maybe you’re using a tool like Quicken to help you track and manage your budgets. (If I'd used my automated tools while travelling this week, my Monday Morning Minute would have been sent out on time!)

As you experiment with reinforcing the new behaviors, you can continue to adjust and modify as you learn to address obstacles, challenges and excuses that move you off track. When you consciously use all six sources of influence to help you create change, you're truly investing in yourself!

The second two sources of influence that support change involve our social motivation and abilities. Who do you surround yourself with? Are they accomplices or friends? Who do you bring into your life to help you learn new information, to change your patterns and habits, to support your changes? Reassessing, updating and recruiting should all be strategies you use to support your shifts.

 

When friends are encouraging you to continue with habits that don’t support what you want, or enabling unhealthy behaviors, they become accomplices. Friends, coaches and fans all help, cheer and support your transformation. You can try telling your accomplices what you want and need, and see if they can truly be friends. If not, maybe it’s best to distance yourself from them.

People who have more than a half dozen friends, a coach and fans, are almost 40% more likely to succeed than those with fewer than a half dozen friends. Bringing people into your life who have accomplished what you want, can teach you skills you want, or are growing into the same arenas as you, are all great additions. Consider a group coaching program, and you’ll have it right away.

Who are your accomplices? If you’re looking to lose weight, do your accomplices encourage you to have that dessert since you just worked out? If you’re trying to improve your financial situation, do they take you out to browse the stores when you’re down, and are more likely to succumb to emotional spending? Have you communicated to those around you what you’re trying to do? Can they be transformed into friends?

Do you have a coach? That is, someone who can help you develop some new skills gives you honest feedback and honor and helps you tap into your personal wisdom? Do you have fans? If you’ve been playing along with me, you’ve gotten clear on your motivation and you’ve identified the skills you want to develop. Now add the social components with friends, fans, and coaches who can support you both in motivation and in the development of new skills. You’ll have four of the six influences working in your favor.

Next week I’ll introduce you to the final two components. Consider what you might accomplish in the next three months if you set your mind to it. Pick one area of your life. Today is the perfect day to begin.